Next month my youngest son will be a junior in high school. Like my middle son, he’s inclined to be, shall we say, relaxed about his academic responsibilities. As a parent, I’ve learned that there’s only so much I can do to motivate him to try to achieve grades that truly reflect his intelligence. It’s a battle that I’m simply not willing to wage.
Rather than spend my time micromanaging his schoolwork, I instead try to matter of factly provide him with information about what he’s supposed to do and what the consequences will be if he neglects to complete assignments. Not MY consequences, but the ones which might limit his future options.
Like many of his generation, he’s overwhelmed by the thought of going into debt to go to college. Particularly since he doesn’t have a clear idea of what he might like to study. When he and I discussed this in the spring, he told me he was planning to go to community college, an idea I fully support. It’s where my brother and I, as well as many of our friends, initially studied. Orange County Community College worked out for us as starting points for eventually an MD (his) and an MLS (mine) and zero debt. It was a practical move for certain.
Since it seems we won’t be going on the traditional College Tour, I imagined our summer trip together as a mean of providing exposure to possibilities for my kid. Community college doesn’t necessarily have to mean local, does it? Why not study somewhere beyond your own region? Or maybe even delay school for awhile and simply experience living in a different part of the country? I strongly believe that kids benefit from knowing that there isn’t a single path to adulthood and, as a parent and educator, I try to provide them with that information.
With that as my inspiration, I planned our trip. He thought Seattle might be cool to visit, so that was our starting point. We happen to have a friend, B, out that way so, of course, we worked he and his partner into our itinerary.
B is a long time friend of my son’s dad and actually someone I met on my first trip to Washington many, many years ago. He’s always been a great host and tour guide whenever I’ve been out that way and this trip was no exception. The hospitality we were shown was wonderful and included the Fremont troll, Chinatown, Lake Washington and, eventually, scenic Gig Harbor.
All of that was really cool, but what was the most impactful was the time simply spent together talking. My son got to hear stories about his parents, especially his father, from decades long past. Tales, slightly sanitized, from Grateful Dead shows and camping trips and even some from the beautiful wedding we had in Albany’s very own Washington Park when B was our photographer. Watching my teen’s face as he listened, rapt, to B sharing his memories squeezed my heart and made our time together feel far too brief.
Our next stop was Eugene, OR, where again we had a friend. Like B in Washington, our Oregon friend, R, had grown up with my ex. She had moved West more than 20 years ago, but we, too, had remained in contact. When I reached out to let her know we’d be in her area, she invited us to stay at her place, though she herself would be on the East Coast at the time of our visit.
We arrived in the early evening, armed with solid directions for getting in the house and an invitation to make ourselves comfortable. As we settled in my son took in R’s decor, including artwork on the walls and an array of framed photos. He paused when he noticed a framed group picture, immediately recognizing another of his Dad’s friend who lives outside of Albany. I looked at the photo as well, noticing that B, whom we had just stayed with in Washington, was also in the picture. A half beat later, I realized the photo had been taken at my wedding, almost three decades before.
When I told him the setting for the picture, his jaw dropped. I could see his brain working as he began to see the connections between his parents, their friends, time and distance. It was pretty remarkable to witness, honestly. Understanding the value of long term friendships, and honored and shared special events, was a lesson I hadn’t anticipated him learning. That certainly wasn’t in any of the travel sites I had consulted prior to our travels.
Our final stop, San Francisco, included a fantastic three night stay (out of a total of six nights) with, once again, old friends. CC and I, as well as my son’s dad, had worked together in the early 90’s at the original Yono’s on Robinson Square. CC and I graduated college together and, as I recall, it was a challenging day as my friend reeled from the sudden loss of his father and I nursed a broken heart.
We got through it and have remained in contact decades later despite residing on opposite coasts. Through the years, we’ve been able to see one another during his visits back East and I’ve benefitted from the genuine goodness that radiates out of this very special person.
CC and his partner, C, could not have been more gracious or generous in the hospitality and consideration which they bestowed upon my son and I. We were spoiled by their attention and tour guide talents as they drove us around the city from Twin Peaks to Chinatown and everywhere in between. They shared their favorite dumpling place, their home and most importantly, their time with us and my son absolutely glowed from being wrapped in their thoughtful care.
When I had told my son he’d be meeting some old friends of mine, I don’t think he was particularly excited to spend time with people who were essentially strangers to him. Amazingly, though, I think he would tell you that coming to know these people, as well as his parents, was the most special part of our west coast adventure.
The best vacations are the ones that make an impression and leave their mark, be it in our heads or our hearts. This recent trip most definitely did both.
